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1. 作文题目
In some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Is this a positive or negative development?
2. 学生原文
4. 作文总评
本次批改严格按照ILETS 大作文评分标准进行。ILETS 大作文评分项：TR (论证扣题度), CC (
连贯性及一
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致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源) 。文末会进行总评及打分。
评分：5.5
1. 开头可以把online shopping换成e-commerce 或者 retail platform online.
2. 第二段（首先while 用错了这里没有转着关系）需要你有更明确的topic sentence，例：With such a technology, transactions are now happening without the limitation of time and space.
3. 可以提到确凿的好处：cut cost/ raise efficiency/ quick penetration of new market
要注意消费不是文化，如果有更好的方式那么传统方式淘汰就淘汰了，不需要像文化一样保护的。所以Threat to traditional store是不成立的，要写出具体的坏处，如：unemployment/ hard to regulate.
5. 作文范文：
The advent of computers and the widespread use of the Internet have changed the way people perform everyday tasks. A new tendency is that online shops are taking the place of physical stores, as online shopping is increasingly gaining popularity among masses of netizens.
This new trend of online shopping can benefit both individual shoppers and society as a whole. To begin with , convenience is very important in modern life and online deals prove highly efficient for consumers in this fast-paced society. In the past, people might need to travel miles to a particular store in order to buy a desired commodity; but nowadays, all can be done with an easy click on the keyboard and goods will be delivered right to your door in a short time, even at a lower price.Also, due to no geographic limitations, goods can be dispatched to every corner of the world, which benefits more potential consumers.besides retailers gain more profits by setting up online shopping sites, a new channel to promote their goods, therefore stimulating manufacturing and economic growth in a benign circle.
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Despite the positive impacts mentioned above, many people are concerned about the potential risks of this new mode of consumption. First, as the online transactions are based on e-payment such as credit cards, people might spend money as much as they can and even overdraw their bank accounts. This impulsive consumption can lead to waste of money as well as resources of society. Security is another major concern. With increasing virus threats and well-trained hackers, online bank transactions are well exposed to heavy loss as well as to great convenience. Some cunning hackers, for example, might take advantage of this information leakage and illegally drain one's account effortlessly.
In conclusion, I believe online shopping is an irreversible trend that has positive effect on both shoppers and national economy. As long as online shoppers are prudent while selecting goods and making payments with their e-cards, shopping online can be highly efficient and as well as a pleasure for them.
www.sunrayedu.com
1. 作文题目
In some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Is this a positive or negative development?
2. 学生原文
4. 作文总评
本次批改严格按照ILETS 大作文评分标准进行。ILETS 大作文评分项：TR (论证扣题度), CC (
连贯性及一
www.sunrayedu.com
致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源) 。文末会进行总评及打分。
评分：5.5
1. 开头可以把online shopping换成e-commerce 或者 retail platform online.
2. 第二段（首先while 用错了这里没有转着关系）需要你有更明确的topic sentence，例：With such a technology, transactions are now happening without the limitation of time and space.
3. 可以提到确凿的好处：cut cost/ raise efficiency/ quick penetration of new market
要注意消费不是文化，如果有更好的方式那么传统方式淘汰就淘汰了，不需要像文化一样保护的。所以Threat to traditional store是不成立的，要写出具体的坏处，如：unemployment/ hard to regulate.
5. 作文范文：
The advent of computers and the widespread use of the Internet have changed the way people perform everyday tasks. A new tendency is that online shops are taking the place of physical stores, as online shopping is increasingly gaining popularity among masses of netizens.
This new trend of online shopping can benefit both individual shoppers and society as a whole. To begin with , convenience is very important in modern life and online deals prove highly efficient for consumers in this fast-paced society. In the past, people might need to travel miles to a particular store in order to buy a desired commodity; but nowadays, all can be done with an easy click on the keyboard and goods will be delivered right to your door in a short time, even at a lower price.Also, due to no geographic limitations, goods can be dispatched to every corner of the world, which benefits more potential consumers.besides retailers gain more profits by setting up online shopping sites, a new channel to promote their goods, therefore stimulating manufacturing and economic growth in a benign circle.
www.sunrayedu.com
Despite the positive impacts mentioned above, many people are concerned about the potential risks of this new mode of consumption. First, as the online transactions are based on e-payment such as credit cards, people might spend money as much as they can and even overdraw their bank accounts. This impulsive consumption can lead to waste of money as well as resources of society. Security is another major concern. With increasing virus threats and well-trained hackers, online bank transactions are well exposed to heavy loss as well as to great convenience. Some cunning hackers, for example, might take advantage of this information leakage and illegally drain one's account effortlessly.
In conclusion, I believe online shopping is an irreversible trend that has positive effect on both shoppers and national economy. As long as online shoppers are prudent while selecting goods and making payments with their e-cards, shopping online can be highly efficient and as well as a pleasure for them.